Post by Janeway Forever on Sept 18, 2007 10:06:48 GMT -5
Ok, I'm going through a rough time right now......and jokes and humor totally help me. I got this email today, and I literally nearly fell out of my chair. It's probably not even that funny...I'm just in that much need of laughter.
AMAZING HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't
panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your
throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while
slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about
lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers:
simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large
dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash yo ur thumb
with a hammer and you will forget all about the
toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what
the rules of life really are: You only need two
tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and
does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you
get to know them. So be brief with people.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thoughts for the day:
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another
chance.
Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for
anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs.
AMAZING HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't
panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your
throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while
slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about
lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers:
simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.
5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large
dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash yo ur thumb
with a hammer and you will forget all about the
toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what
the rules of life really are: You only need two
tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and
does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you
get to know them. So be brief with people.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thoughts for the day:
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another
chance.
Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for
anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs.
Have you read the story about the guy on his motorcycle that got attacked by a squirrel?
