Funny ST stuff

[Mel]

Here is the place to put all the funny st stuff that you find! ;D

I found these online a long time ago and thought some of it was funny.

The Lite Hearted Trekker vs Trekkie List.

A Trekker wears a starfleet uniform to a convention because it's fun.
A Trekkie wears a starfleet uniform to a convention because s/he has
heard that it is in style at the academy.

A Trekker has a Starfleet Academy window sticker on his car.
A Trekkie is cramming for the entrance exams.

A Trekker meets Marina Sirtis/Gates McFadden at a convention, tells
her how pretty he thinks she is, that it is too bad she is
married or he would ask her out.
A Trekkie meets Deanna Troi/Dr. Crusher at a convention, tells her how
pretty he thinks she is, and asks her if she is still seeing Riker
(Picard, some alien patient, et al).

A Trekker loves watching the show, nitpicking and discussing it with
friends.
A Trekkie loves watching those documentaries filmed aboard the
Enterprise.

A Trekker thinks Wil Wheaton was a lucky kid who got to play a kid on
Star Trek.
A Trekkie thinks that Wesley Crusher was a lucky kid who got to sit on
the bridge.

A Trekker thinks that it is a shame that the show is coming to an end.
A Trekkie thinks that it is a shame that the crew is being reassigned
and the Enterprise is being decomissioned.

A Trekker knows that there are gaping holes in the technology, but
ignores them and enjoys the show.
A Trekkie can't wait for the price to come down on those home food
replicator units.

A Trekker buys pips for the rank s/he wants to be.
A Trekkie wonders why he is constantly passed over for promotion.

A Trekker tells his/her new girl/boyfriend that s/he really likes Star Trek.
A Trekkie's new girl/boyfriend is an underclassman at the academy.

A Trekker wonders what sex in zero g would be like.
A Trekkie wonders what sex would be like.



You Might Be A Trekker (Trekkie) If... 
· If the world comes to a standstill when Star Trek is on
· If when the phone rings, you say "Open hailing frequencies"
· If you believe completely in Star Trek's technobabble ("Run a level three diagnostic on the primary magnetron array...")
· If you built a complete mockup of the U.S.S Enterprise D in your back yard (If it works I want to be your friend)
· If you call Wall Street and ask the going rate for Gold Pressed Latinum
· If you call your computer disks "Isolinear Chips"
· If you can carry on an intelligent conversation with someone else in Klingonese, you might BOTH be Trekkies. (If you can do it in Romulan you're a hopeless case).
· If you changed your speedometer from MPH to Warp (If you hit warp, call me and warn me first)
· If you claim that your religion is IDIC
· If you find yourself saying "Make it so!"
· If you firmly say "come" when the doorbell rings
· If you greet your friends with "Live Long and Prosper" and they respond with "Peace and Long Life" you're all trekkers.
· If you have a Trek message on your home telephone answering machine
· If you have withdrawals during Trek's off season ("Must have Trek! Must have Trek! Must have Trek! Must have...")
· If you speak fluent KirkSpeak (Bones! There! is! an! alien! In! my! pants!)
· If you insist that Star Trek IS NOT FICTION ("Dude, its this government conspiracy thing. We've had warp technology since the early 80's...")
· If you killed your dog testing your home-made transporter ("Now Sparky, this won't hurt a bit. Energize! ...Sparky?!?!?")
· If you know how Data used profanity in STVII
· If you know how fast Warp 9.76 is
· If you know the NCC numbers of all Federation ships mentioned in all Trek series
· If you know the recipe for quadrotriticale soup
· If you know the difference between Trekker and Trekkie
· If you know the worth of a McDonald's Trek Happy Meal box
· If you own virtually every Trek Book ever written (Guilty)
· If you pull your shirt down every time you stand up
· If you put stardates on your homework assignments
· If you re-programmed your Clapper to respond to "Lights"
· If you substitute an auto air filter for sunglasses
· If you swear in Klingon
· If you talk into your mouse
· If you tap your chest every time the phone rings
· If you think lawyers are part of the Borg collective (Actually, that isn't farfetched when you think about it...)
· If you think the world will end if you miss a Trek episode
· If you tried to enroll in Star Fleet Academy
· If you use Star Trek checks
· If you use your telescope to search for the Enterprise
· If you walk into an elevator and expect a voice interface
· If you want to have a part in Star Trek
· If you watch a rerun of Star Trek on a first date
· If you wear a uniform and ears to a Trek convention
· If you write Star Trek fiction
· If you wrote in Picard/Riker in your '96 ballot (Leaders for Tomorrow)
· If you wrote in Data/Spock in your '96 ballot (The Logical Choice)
· If you've affixed a Starfleet decal to your portable cellular telephone
· If you've ever called anyone a P'tach
· If you've ever done business according to the Ferengi Laws of Acquisition
· If you've ever greeted a friend with "Qapla" (Guilty)
· If you've tried the Vulcan Neck Pinch during a fight ("Hold still, darnit!")
· If your microwave is cosmetically altered to look like a replicator ("Tea, Earl Grey, Hot")
· If your office is decorated with Star Trek memorabilia ("And I got this mug at the '83 convention..."
· If your preferred transportation is Shuttlecraft
· If you've experienced Pon Farr (Heh heh heh heh)




[Janeway Forever]

Why Janeway Is Better Than Picard


1.One word: hair
2.More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
3.Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
4.Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
5.Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
6.Keeps her First Officer properly in the dark.
7.Can speak "technobabble" with the best of them.
8.Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
10.Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 1/2
12.Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
15.Isn't French with an English accent.
16."Take this cheese to sickbay!" I don't know why this is here, either, but I loved that line!
17.Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
18.When Janeway lands her ship, it can take off again.
19.Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to convince them to behave better.
20.To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way. Picard sings a song...in French...about a monk...who can't wake up for morning bells.
22.Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
23.Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through.
24.She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
25.Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
26.Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying to weasle her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
27.40 episodes without surrendering the ship.
28.40 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
29.Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs. Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniouses who yet again take over the ship.
30.She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
34.Never worries about meeting a son she never knew she had.
36.Cheese
37.Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in with a primitive planet.
38.She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English. (Greg says "hello! It's called a universal translator. It's in the communicator. Do some research!")
39.Her engineer does not wear a bananna clip over her eyes.
40.Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
41.Doesn't have a Counselor on board thank Goodness!.
42.Her telepath only lives nine years.
43.Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone before" and took them to the extreme.
44.45,000 light-years is one thing. Every point in the universe instantaneously? That's excessive!
45.Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest of force."
46.Janeway's holo-characters fall in love with her. Picard's holo-characters want to kill him.
47.Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
48.The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf could stomach.
49.Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
50.Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
51.Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
52.Doesn't need her first officer's permission to blow up her ship.
53.The highest field commision Picard ever gave out was "Acting Ensign."
54.Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
55.Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
56.Has a more manly voice.
57.Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.
58.Has a dog, not some darn fish!
60.Kes. Troi. No contest.
61.Neelix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
62.At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants something to drink.
63.Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
64.Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
65.Her CONN officer can use contractions.
66.Her first officer has a halucinogenic device.
67.Her Security Officer draws his phaser at the first hint of trouble. Picard's Security Officer gets beat up by half the aliens that come aboard.
68.Her Security Officer would never drink prune juice.
69.Hostile aliens surrounding her, half the crew are spies, the nearest help is 75 years away, and she's still kept the ship together.
70.None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
73.Q asked Janeway to run away with him and she refused. Q asked Picard's girlfriend to run away with him and she accepted.

[KateJaneway]

OMG!!!

I'm so guilty of so many of those.....

[DDL]

So am I... ;D

[jcvoyager]

i am too... and i love the why Janeway is better than Picard

[Mel]

I love that list also, Thanks JF for finding it!!

[DDL]

From Meok's website:

6 Things TNG fans know but VOY fans won't admit

1. The Captain is not supposed to lead the away team

2. The first officer is supposed to protect the captain from danger at all costs

3. There are many times when a conflict can be settled through diplomacy

4. The transporter chief is supposed to handle all transports, not the captain and bridge crew

5. It's pretty cool to see a starship separate into two parts

6. It's not normal to sleep with a compression rifle

7. Too many shuttles crashed in the first few seasons of Voyager

8. Janeway doesn’t seem disappointed when Diplomacy fails

9. They should have really given Harry a promotion, or at least a woman

10. EVERYTHING bad happens to Harry Kim

11. The captain doesn’t HAVE to go down with the ship

12. It's not normal for multiple crew members to fall in love with holodeck characters


6 Things VOY fans know but TNG fans won't admit

1. The self destruct feature was made to be used

2. Diplomacy often only works when you have Starfleet to back you up

3. It's pretty cool to have a radical captain who can lead away teams and kick butt

4. Being able to land your ship (and get it back up again) is a pretty nifty feature

5. If someone is firing at you, the Ship's Counselor doesn't have to point out that she senses hostility

6. The security chief isn't supposed to get disabled by the intruders on a regular basis

7. You don’t have to fix your uniform each time you get up

8. Commanding the Borg to retreat from Federation space, and expecting them to comply, is insane!

9. Data is DEAD!

10. Warp 14 is a theoretical impossibility

11. By refusing to accept command of his own ship, Riker has proven that he’s Picard’s underwear

12. It’s not cool for the crew to evolve into creatures

[Mel]

LOL some of those are true for me. ;D

[vanynessa]

I thought this was kinda funny........trek vocabulary. My favorite? Definitely the "Prime Suggestion", hee hee. Here's the link:


www.bilyendi.com/kls/expendableEnsigns/TrekkieLingo.htm

[DDL]

The Prime Suggestion is funny. ;D

[Mel]

Okay I just saw this online today. They actually made a ST Mr. Potato Head, there is a picture on the link. I still don't know what my thoughts are on it.

startrek.com/article/first-look-star-trek-mr-potato-heads

[snowbelle23]

The Janeway better than Picard ones made me roll!! i love that i can come here when i am in a unhappy mood and read the post's and feel better!!