Post by KateJaneway on Jul 23, 2007 20:40:32 GMT -5
Choices.....
I hate them. I loathe them.
When placed into the middle of something not knowing which way is right and which is wrong, or more to the point, which is better for you, puts a lot of things into your mind that you never really thought you would ever have to think about. Let me give you a taste of my delemia......
I moved away from home about a year and a half ago. Since that time my dad has been in remission with lymphoma Cancer. Now about 3 months ago , he has had to do a new form of kimo. This is a new kind that does not make him sick, but all the same its still kimo. Now, they thought they would only have to do this ONCE.....but now they are saying that they are going to do anther round in October to keep everything at bay.... At Bay. So that means....what....that it is starting to spread? Well that is what it implies so therefor, what I' going to assume. Now, here come the choices..... and my dreaded thoughts on what I should do.
Out of sheer curiosity, what would you do when faced with something like that? :lets say for the sake of argument that you love your family....you really do....you get along great....(although there are those time when you want to strangle your mother, when she asks you thirty questions.....).... but all the same, you would really be lost if you didn't have your family. Now....you are only 400 miles away. if an emergency were to arise you would only be 1 hour away by plane.....or 6 hours driving. Sure...thats nothing, but here is the thing......do you miss the time spent with them?
My brother once, had a best friend, and he was the cutest little boy, and he was about ten years old when he died. He was fine one month and then got cancer and dead withing two months. My brother was also gone for four of the weeks in between the time that he was diagnosed and died. When my brother got back and went to go play with his friend....he found out about Eric. My brother had only about three weeks with him....and to this very day regrets going away, and wishes he would have only had more time.
So, with that said its actually time that I am having the issue with. Cause thats what it boils down to. Do I stay here, knowing that my dad, whom I love more than any man in the world, may only have....one....two.....or even if heaven permits....five....ten ....fifteen years left on this earth? Sure he could have ten years, but then how many of those years can I fill up with memories of watching his softball games, (that he still plays and my mother hates), making fun of my brother, just sitting around and watching TV, or going to car shows and drag strips, working on his cars with him, birthdays and holidays (which I have missed a lot of allready).....I think you see where I'm going with this.
Now, if I was an outsider I would be saying....'what the hell are you sitting around still there writing this thing fo...GO!' Ahhh......but the universe and all its wisdom have a sick sense of humor..... I have a life here too. I have a great sister. I am making great friends at work. I love my job. I love being two minutes from the nearest Starbucks and ten from my favorite book store. And would the people around me even understand? People at work that say, 'you gotta have you own life too' and 'just go home more and see him'. I hate to tell you guys its not that simple. It costs a lot of money to drive back and fourth, or fly, and pay the bills I all ready can afford.
So I guess what I am battling is all within myself and what I can live with. I know I cannot live happily knowing that if my dad were to die next year, and I did not at least make some attempt to be with him more, I know I would never forgive myself. So I guess that that has made the choice for me....
I only hope that those around me will understand.
I hate them. I loathe them.
When placed into the middle of something not knowing which way is right and which is wrong, or more to the point, which is better for you, puts a lot of things into your mind that you never really thought you would ever have to think about. Let me give you a taste of my delemia......
I moved away from home about a year and a half ago. Since that time my dad has been in remission with lymphoma Cancer. Now about 3 months ago , he has had to do a new form of kimo. This is a new kind that does not make him sick, but all the same its still kimo. Now, they thought they would only have to do this ONCE.....but now they are saying that they are going to do anther round in October to keep everything at bay.... At Bay. So that means....what....that it is starting to spread? Well that is what it implies so therefor, what I' going to assume. Now, here come the choices..... and my dreaded thoughts on what I should do.
Out of sheer curiosity, what would you do when faced with something like that? :lets say for the sake of argument that you love your family....you really do....you get along great....(although there are those time when you want to strangle your mother, when she asks you thirty questions.....).... but all the same, you would really be lost if you didn't have your family. Now....you are only 400 miles away. if an emergency were to arise you would only be 1 hour away by plane.....or 6 hours driving. Sure...thats nothing, but here is the thing......do you miss the time spent with them?
My brother once, had a best friend, and he was the cutest little boy, and he was about ten years old when he died. He was fine one month and then got cancer and dead withing two months. My brother was also gone for four of the weeks in between the time that he was diagnosed and died. When my brother got back and went to go play with his friend....he found out about Eric. My brother had only about three weeks with him....and to this very day regrets going away, and wishes he would have only had more time.
So, with that said its actually time that I am having the issue with. Cause thats what it boils down to. Do I stay here, knowing that my dad, whom I love more than any man in the world, may only have....one....two.....or even if heaven permits....five....ten ....fifteen years left on this earth? Sure he could have ten years, but then how many of those years can I fill up with memories of watching his softball games, (that he still plays and my mother hates), making fun of my brother, just sitting around and watching TV, or going to car shows and drag strips, working on his cars with him, birthdays and holidays (which I have missed a lot of allready).....I think you see where I'm going with this.
Now, if I was an outsider I would be saying....'what the hell are you sitting around still there writing this thing fo...GO!' Ahhh......but the universe and all its wisdom have a sick sense of humor..... I have a life here too. I have a great sister. I am making great friends at work. I love my job. I love being two minutes from the nearest Starbucks and ten from my favorite book store. And would the people around me even understand? People at work that say, 'you gotta have you own life too' and 'just go home more and see him'. I hate to tell you guys its not that simple. It costs a lot of money to drive back and fourth, or fly, and pay the bills I all ready can afford.
So I guess what I am battling is all within myself and what I can live with. I know I cannot live happily knowing that if my dad were to die next year, and I did not at least make some attempt to be with him more, I know I would never forgive myself. So I guess that that has made the choice for me....
I only hope that those around me will understand.
